Saturday, December 20, 2008

To hell with optimism

So...the opportunity to do "Art" in Indiana didn't pan out. After turning down the show that my former girlfriend, Abbie, was producing in the Spring and being offered a role in the next Factory production, I wrote to the AD of Round Barn and asked him if we could figure out "Art" and then deal with the rest of the season later. And he told me that cut-backs had forced "Art" to not be produced this year. So I took the Factory role, which is fine. But I feel badly about having to turn down Abbie's show. Ah, well. Such is life, I suppose.

But it still sucks.

Anyway, so tonight is the closing night of "Six Degrees" and then a big party afterwards. All-in-all, it's been a good experience, I suppose. I know that I could have been in Indiana with Heidi this whole time and that makes things VERY tough sometimes, but I can't look back at what might have been. I have to just accept that I made the right decisions given the information I had and the order that they presented themselves. Hopefully, I will be able to work with her (and earn a living acting...which would be very nice) in the upcoming year.

To that end, I have downloaded the soundtracks to the Round Barn shows that I have the opportunity to audition for later this month. I've been listening to "my" songs and this past week when Heidi came to town for a few days, she brought copies of the sheet music. I got "Jon", a guy in the show with me who is also a music director and a great pianist, to play the two songs for me last night and I recorded them so I can listen to them and get a little practice in before I get together with Heidi to work on them and then do them for the Round Barn AD. Which is good.

So I'm trying to move forward. I was all set to sort of pick up and move out to Indiana for a good long time starting in late February. Now...it's late April at the earliest. If it's ever going to happen. I'll still go to Memphis and the UPTAs and hope to get some bites out of that. Argh!! So life moves ever onward. And nothing is ever really too easy...no matter HOW easy it may look at the start.

Rehearsals for the Factory show begin on, I believe, Inauguration Day. So I get some time off. The holidays and going to Indiana for a while. And...um...stuff. Should be fun.

Monday, December 8, 2008

Binging and purging

It's been quite a few weeks.

I've had some decent auditions and managed to not get too far in any of the processes. I had my first "called in" audition at Steppenwolf (for Lennie in "Of Mice And Men") and I worked my ass off trying to get the 5 page side juuuuust right. And I think I represented myself in a really good way. I guess I just wasn't what they were looking for. And that, more than just about any part I've auditioned for and not gotten, was kinda tough for me if only because it's a role that people have said I would be great at for several years now. And it's hard to be told that over and over and then, when I finally get the chance to DO that role...nothing.

So that, coupled with my wildly unimpressive roles in "Six Degrees" and the fact that it's the start of winter and that always brings a little depression, has made me totally question what it is I'm doing with my life and career. I keep trying to stay positive. I've put an old "feel good" quote on my front door so that I see it every day at least once and remember what I'm working towards. I've registered to do the UPTA auditions in Memphis in February, which will mark the first "cattle call" audition I've done in about a decade (or possibly more). And I've FINALLY started to tear my apartment apart and get myself down to the barest of "things". I've already managed (in just about a week or sporadic cleaning) to throw out 5 large boxes of stuff that I've kept and collected over the years. I've kept almost everything related to shows I've done (since that's my life) but I've also limited the stuff I've kept. Instead of the handful of postcards from this show or that, I've kept maybe 5 or 6 and throw the rest away. If I ended up having a bunch of posters, I have now tossed all but one. Just this evening, I've emptied a small-ish box of junk and will tomorrow be filling it up with just acting stuff. "Memorabilia". Posters and postcards and programs and reviews and show-specific gifts and maybe scripts. Then I can box it all up, have it all in one place, and I don't have to wonder where anything is.

This all links back to my desire, after returning from Battle Creek in June, to really figure out a way to get rid of "stuff" and live kind of bare bones. Because once I had realized that maybe a life on the road could potentially be something I need to accept and try, I also realized that I had WAAAAAAY too much junk in my life to make that kind of lifestyle at all realistic. If I decide to get rid of the apartment and put the majority of my stuff in storage, I want the smallest storage closet I can possibly get. And, besides, it feels good to sift through this crap.

Then, tonight, comes word that I have an opportunity to work at the same theater as Heidi next year. She had mentioned a straight play, "Art", happening in March but what I learned tonight was that the Artistic Director is thinking about me for most of the 2009 season. He has parts he'd like to see me in and everything! So now I feel like all this cleaning and purging and stuff might actually pay off sooner rather than later. The AD needs to hear me sing (of course...the theater does mainly musicals with only the occasional non-musical) but I was planning on working with Heidi anyway in order to get me to a more comfortable place, musically, so this works out great. Now, in fact, I have specific plays and songs to work from and choose songs from.

I'm optimistic. Very optimistic. But also a little frightened at the prospect. It would be great to work almost the entire year with Heidi. Be great to make money acting. Be great to have a whole year where I knew almost right from the beginning what was in store. But I would also be starting all over. At the age of 37. And that's the scary part.

Nothing is written in stone yet. Hell, nothing is even written at all yet. But it's a possibility. And I'm planning on taking this possibility and running with it as far as I can.

(---pause---)

Oh...the "binging" part of the title refers to Thanksgiving, where I ate quite a lot and got to meet a good portion of Heidi's family...which was awesome and a lot of fun. I should elaborate on that more...but right now I'm going to clean out a drawer or two. There is stuff to do!!!

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Damn that Heidi (in the best way)

It would be sort of irresponsible (after not posting for an entire month) to allow the day to pass without making public mention of the fact that it was 6 months ago today that I met Heidi. Almost since Day One, when I sort of fell in love with her at the sight of her Boston Red Sox hat when she first walked into the Delta House, I've been doing my level best to try and tell her just how much she means to me and how fortunate I am to have her be a part of my life. And I always feel like I'm falling juuuuuuust a bit short. Well, last week I spent a few days in Indiana and Michigan with her in order to see her and meet some of her family at Thanksgiving dinner. So we went to dinner on Thursday and had a good time and went back to the Gray House (the Nappanee, Indiana equivelant to the Battle Creek Delta House) to hang out that evening and while sitting at the table drinking some wine and playing Trivial Pursuit, she suddenly told me that she was so happy that I was there with her and...well, it sort of melted my heart. It definitely meant the world to me to hear that from her.

Leave it to Heidi to say in a few simple words what I've been trying to get across for months.


There are some business-type things that I should talk about but I'll do it tomorrow or over the upcoming weekend. Right now, I'm just missing Heidi and so I thought I'd post a little something.

Have a great night, everyone.

Friday, October 31, 2008

Mischief Night

Today is Halloween. That means that last night was what we used to call Mischief Night when I was growing up. The idea was to pull pranks of various kinds. TP the yard, egg a few cars, cover the windows of cars with shaving cream...that kinda thing. It always was meant to be done in good fun, though sometimes things got a bit carried away and kids would get into some serious trouble or property would get some damage. But like I said...nothing too terrible.

Last night was the oddest Mischief Night ever.

I decided sorta late (10PM or so) that I was deathly bored just watching TV at the Delta House so I drove the 2 or 3 miles to this place that Jonathan and Heidi had discovered after I left Battle Creek in June. A nice little divey bar that I probably shouldn't name. (If you're coming to the area and would like to check it out, give me a call or something and I'll tell you what it's called.) So I sit at the bar and right away there were all kinds of characters. A loud table right by the door. A VERY drunk married girl trying to sign her credit card receipt. A dirty drunk guy who was trying to hit on the receipt-signing girl. I texted Heidi that I was there and she got excited for me. She asked if there was a crossing guard there and I told her that there wasn't but then as soon as I sent that, lo and behold...in walks a guy in a reflective vest. A crossing guard!!! Amazing.

So I have 3 beers over the next 2 hours and I start to feel like I have had enough. But right next to me has wobbled the loudest drunk guy at the loud drunk table by the door. He's sucking down his final drink and waving off people who are asking him if he's driving himself or not. He can barely walk as he heads out the back door to the parking lot but as concerned as everyone seemed just a few minutes ago, now nobody is even looking at him. I ask the bartender if he's OK and if he should be driving. She sort of shrugs.

So I say out loud that maybe I'll go check on him and make sure he doesn't drive. The people at the bar say generic nice things and I'm off to chase down the drunk guy (did I mention that he is a BIG mean-looking drunk guy who almost got into a fight just an hour earlier? 'Cause that should enter into the big mental picture.) for some unknown reason.

He's at his car, trying to get in. Yup...TRYING to get in. So I get to the car and talk to him. "You alright?" "Where are you going?" "Why not let me drive you home?" He keeps saying no. He's good. I tell him (he calls himself "Bill" at first but then after asking if I'm a cop and me telling him that I'm not, he tells me that his name is "Tommy") that he can barely walk and was having trouble sitting in the car seat and maybe it would be the best thing for everyone if I drive him home and then he can come back and get it in the morning. After a while...10 minutes or so...he finally starts to get upset with me and slowly drives off. It knocks me back a little at first but after I've cleared the car and wheels and stuff he drives faster. "Fine," I think. I did my best. So I get into the car DM has let me borrow and start to head home.

But there he is, at the intersection. He's turning the same way that I happen to be turning. Aaaaaaand, he's weaving. Not nearly as much as I would have expected from somebody who was finding it tough to walk, but there is a weave. So I drop back a little bit so as not to be a part of his accident and, when a little down the road he turns...for some reason I decide to turn as well. I just didn't want this dude to get into an accident. I meant only the best. Y'all have to believe this.

So another turn and now I'm thinking I should be turning around. I'm getting to an area of town that I don't know and I don't want to get too far away from a road that I'm familiar with. But I see him turning into a driveway. "Great," I think, "I've done my really good (yet slightly odd) deed for the year. Yeah, me!". And I start to turn around to head back to the Delta House. But as I look back in the direction of the driveway that "Tommy" has turned into, I see that he's backing up and yelling out the window at me. He squares his large SUV-looking thing in my direction and starts coming at me pretty fast. I panic like crazy. Is he going to come after me for following him? Is he upset that a total stranger didn't trust him behind the wheel of his car? I don't know. The fight he almost got into earlier at the bar was about some guy standing too close to him. So I didn't want to stick around to find out.

I'm in the process of backing up at this point and I get so distracted by this drunk dude coming at me in his car that I hit something. A parked car. I wasn't going very fast or anything, but I bumped it pretty well. Scenarios whizzed through my head but I couldn't think about anything other than "GO!!!!" So I drove off. I started to head back to the Delta House when I noticed that now "Tommy" was following me! And pretty closely, too. Honking. Flashing his lights. And, of course, weaving. Now I'm getting scared. He's still following me when I come up on the Delta House so I keep driving. A ways down the road he decides to try and pass me. So when he's on the other side of the street and just a little ahead of me, I slow down and pull into a driveway to turn around. He pulls up behind me and yells out the window a lot of phrases and names that I shouldn't repeat here but also that he's called the police on me. I yelled out that "is this what I get for trying to help somebody out?" and he calls me a few names and is off.

I turn around and head back home. But he's following me again. I manage to get a bit ahead of him and turn into a sideroad and immediately into a church parking lot. I threw the car into Park and turned off my lights. "Tommy" goes flying by on the road. I wait a second, and get back onto the road and I'm quickly in the driveway at the Delta House.

So now...I have no idea what to do. DM and his family have gone through a lot of problems in the past few months and the last thing they need is some more trouble with a police report. And while I'm almost 100% certain that nothing on the other car was damaged at all, I am frightened to go back for fear that the guy might randomly be there while I check to make sure everything is alright. Naturally, I'll be telling DM all about this later tonight after the show. And I'll, of course, offer to pay for the tail-light that got broken. I have to believe that "Tommy" didn't really call the police. I mean, he was really drunk and that would have not been a very smart thing for a drunk guy to do...call the police while driving drunk. But I'm all kinds of nervous now. I don't want to get into trouble and I certainly don't want to cause more trouble for DM.

But I meant to try and do a good thing. This was all about me watching out for some stranger who obviously needed some help when nobody else cared. And all of this is my reward? I don't get it. THIS is how the world thanks me for trying to be the nice guy? I just hope that I can get DM's car fixed relatively cheaply and be done with this whole episode.

Maybe I'm just better off only looking out for myself from now on. I'll have to look out only for Number One for a while. Because, in all honesty, I feel like I've earned that right after last night.

Thursday, October 30, 2008

Half-way home

So it's almost 5PM on Thursday. The day before Halloween. And I just got back to the Delta House from today's matinee. Each show is different than the one before it and I'm not so convinced that that is a good thing. The format of the show could use some MAJOR tweaking and DM could stand to be a little less heavy-handed with the "narration" that he provides. He actually seems a little (playfully) offended when an audience member starts talking on their own instead of waiting for him to feed them lines. And that's not very fun at all. SH and I go on forever and ever in our scene. The least DM could do is allow the audience member to have a little fun while he/she is up there. Once they have their fun, THEN DM can jump in and start shaping the scene the way he feels it needs to be going.

But whatever. The audience seems to be enjoying themselves...which is really all that matters. I suppose.

Yesterday I received yet another call from the agent. This time it was with a theatrical thing that, in the end, just didn't pan out. It was a last-minute thing and I just can't bring myself, at this point, to leave "Six Degrees" with only about two weeks left. So once again, last minute casting sort of screws me. I just don't understand why Casting and Artistic Directors wait so long sometimes to get things done. And, of course, I just know that if I were to decide to not accept parts with the expectation that good, professional, paying gigs will come to me at the 11th hour...that'll end up never happening.

Sometimes this business drives me insane. Anyway...I'm stuck in "Six Degrees" at this point. For better or for worse. I'm not thrilled about it but that's the way it is.

I'm gonna get to head down to Nappanee, Indiana late Saturday night to see Heidi, which is awesome. It's been a rough and VERY long couple of weeks and I really need to see her. While I'm down there I will also (maybe) be able to let people know that I've got nothing going on, gig-wise, after the new year and someone's interest will be piqued. Or not. To be honest, the only reason I'll be there at all is for time with Heidi and anything else that goes on or happens is just gravy. I miss her something awful.

Monday, October 27, 2008

Never a dull moment...

I just got done with one of the longest weekends I've had in a LONG time. I guess I wasn't content with simply finishing up the big show out at Circle Theater, I had to get myself involved with another one of those Columbia College student films. It was a good time and it's always interesting to see how all these students get together to get a film going and shot and everything. But it meant that both Thursday and Friday I had to wake up at 5AM to get to the set by 7AM (braving the crazy CTA system) to stay until 5:30PM or so so that I could train it out to Forest Park for the big show. Saturday I got a little break...didn't have to be on set until 3PM but then had the show afterward. And then Sunday I was called for 8AM, finished up at the stroke of 1PM, then got a ride to the theater to finish out the run. Three days out of those four I saw the sun rise. More times than I've seen it rise in the past year...maybe two!!!

Anyway...in between all of that, I had to pack up and prepare myself for a quick, week-long trip back to Turkeyville for some sort of improvised murder mystery thing that they do at this time every year. So bright and early this morning I found myself on an Amtrak train heading back to Battle Creek. No rest for the wicked, I guess.

DM picked me up and brought me back to the Delta House, which has had some major cleaning done to it. It's no better, structurally, but inside all efforts have been made to make it more of a home and not so much a stop-over for wayward actors. We sat and talked about the gameplan for this show and it seems like good silly fun. It'll be nice to see how it is received but DM and SH (both from "Don't Dress for Dinner") are excited about it. So we'll see.

In about two hours or so, someone will come over and pick me up and we'll all get together and talk about what else will be going on. It's an improvised show so I currently have nothing much to report as far as the show goes. I'll have more after tomorrow's trial-by-fire afternoon show.

Then...I'll go to sleep. I still have sleep to catch up on from the long weekend and I'm STOOPID exhausted.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

It's like a damned roller coaster...

"Russ" called today and told me that the lead for the show I auditioned for two week ago was older than they had anticipated the character being. Therefore, all the characters were going to have to skew older so I was no longer going to be called back for the big show he was casting.

So...to recap:

I auditioned to great response.
I got a mysterious call heavily indicating I would be called back but there was some room for doubt.
I was definitely going to be called back, according to the director.
I was absolutely not called back, according to the director.
I did a great job in the show I'm in and was apologized to for being treated poorly and I was for sure going to be called back, according to the director.
The show was being cast in the classic "in another direction" and so the part was no longer available to me.

Watch...three days from now I'll get a call telling me I've been cast and when the first rehearsal is. At this point, that wouldn't surprise me in the least.

Sometimes I hate people.