Binging and purging

It's been quite a few weeks.

I've had some decent auditions and managed to not get too far in any of the processes. I had my first "called in" audition at Steppenwolf (for Lennie in "Of Mice And Men") and I worked my ass off trying to get the 5 page side juuuuust right. And I think I represented myself in a really good way. I guess I just wasn't what they were looking for. And that, more than just about any part I've auditioned for and not gotten, was kinda tough for me if only because it's a role that people have said I would be great at for several years now. And it's hard to be told that over and over and then, when I finally get the chance to DO that role...nothing.

So that, coupled with my wildly unimpressive roles in "Six Degrees" and the fact that it's the start of winter and that always brings a little depression, has made me totally question what it is I'm doing with my life and career. I keep trying to stay positive. I've put an old "feel good" quote on my front door so that I see it every day at least once and remember what I'm working towards. I've registered to do the UPTA auditions in Memphis in February, which will mark the first "cattle call" audition I've done in about a decade (or possibly more). And I've FINALLY started to tear my apartment apart and get myself down to the barest of "things". I've already managed (in just about a week or sporadic cleaning) to throw out 5 large boxes of stuff that I've kept and collected over the years. I've kept almost everything related to shows I've done (since that's my life) but I've also limited the stuff I've kept. Instead of the handful of postcards from this show or that, I've kept maybe 5 or 6 and throw the rest away. If I ended up having a bunch of posters, I have now tossed all but one. Just this evening, I've emptied a small-ish box of junk and will tomorrow be filling it up with just acting stuff. "Memorabilia". Posters and postcards and programs and reviews and show-specific gifts and maybe scripts. Then I can box it all up, have it all in one place, and I don't have to wonder where anything is.

This all links back to my desire, after returning from Battle Creek in June, to really figure out a way to get rid of "stuff" and live kind of bare bones. Because once I had realized that maybe a life on the road could potentially be something I need to accept and try, I also realized that I had WAAAAAAY too much junk in my life to make that kind of lifestyle at all realistic. If I decide to get rid of the apartment and put the majority of my stuff in storage, I want the smallest storage closet I can possibly get. And, besides, it feels good to sift through this crap.

Then, tonight, comes word that I have an opportunity to work at the same theater as Heidi next year. She had mentioned a straight play, "Art", happening in March but what I learned tonight was that the Artistic Director is thinking about me for most of the 2009 season. He has parts he'd like to see me in and everything! So now I feel like all this cleaning and purging and stuff might actually pay off sooner rather than later. The AD needs to hear me sing (of course...the theater does mainly musicals with only the occasional non-musical) but I was planning on working with Heidi anyway in order to get me to a more comfortable place, musically, so this works out great. Now, in fact, I have specific plays and songs to work from and choose songs from.

I'm optimistic. Very optimistic. But also a little frightened at the prospect. It would be great to work almost the entire year with Heidi. Be great to make money acting. Be great to have a whole year where I knew almost right from the beginning what was in store. But I would also be starting all over. At the age of 37. And that's the scary part.

Nothing is written in stone yet. Hell, nothing is even written at all yet. But it's a possibility. And I'm planning on taking this possibility and running with it as far as I can.

(---pause---)

Oh...the "binging" part of the title refers to Thanksgiving, where I ate quite a lot and got to meet a good portion of Heidi's family...which was awesome and a lot of fun. I should elaborate on that more...but right now I'm going to clean out a drawer or two. There is stuff to do!!!