Sunday, June 15, 2008

And so it goes...

It's just after Noon on Sunday, June 15th and juuuuuust about all of my stuff is packed up and ready to go. SP and I are gonna try and grab something to eat in a few minutes, bring it back here, and then pack up the van and head out. The last thing that needs to be wrapped up and put away for the trip is my trusty laptop. I find myself oddly sad at the prospect of leaving. I'm a pretty melancholy guy when it comes to the ends of shows. It always feels like a chapter has somehow ended. But this is different. This is stronger. This really IS the end of a chapter in my life.

Shit...as I type this, I'm finding myself tearing up at the mere idea of leaving soon.

I know I'll be back. There are good people here and new friends in the Delta House and even perhaps an ingenue in the movie of my time here at Turkeyville. But all that is a post for a different blog. Or to wait for the memoirs. Not here.

But definitely...I'll be back. But for now, Turkeyville is in the rearview mirror and Chicago lay ahead with all its real-life issues and job searches and auditions and hectic scheduling problems and...

Maybe that's what I'm sad about. Real-life coming back to smack me around again when I've had this decent 2 month vacation. So many questions.

This blog will continue. Please stay tuned. But, for now, it's off to get some fried chicken and then away I go.

Note to self: Don't blubber as you go. Hold it together. Sheesh...

Friday, June 13, 2008

One thing I won't miss...

The Mid-Lifers are at rehearsal and so SP and I are chillin' in the TV room. I went to get off the couch to head into the kitchen and I see the ass-end of something dart into the kitchen. So SP and I go to check it out and it darts out again, through the dining room and into the hallway. Chipmunk.

Did it go upstairs? Stay downstairs? Where the hell did it go? So I go upstairs, making some noise and whistling (thanks, mom, for teaching me how to whistle all those years ago), and I make a sweep of all of the rooms that left the door open (all but "Crystal"), closing the doors behind me as I left each swept room. I found nothing. SP did the same kind of deal downstairs. He found nothing. Is it still here? Did it leave? Does it like cuddling up in the backpack that's on my floor? The laundry on "Heidi's" floor? The stuff on "Scott's" desk? Who knows.

SP and I are now leaving and entering every room like it might be filled with explosives. Taking a cautious step into the room, leaning in, looking around, making some sort of noise, waiting to see what happens, continuing through the doorway hesitantly. Doing the same thing going into the next room. It's a rather comic scene.

But I won't mind leaving the "outside animals coming inside" that happens here. Good thing my first experience with that happened so close to the end of my time here. That said, however, I most likely won't be sleeping too well the next two nights...

Digging

Alright, Monkey Boy, you want deeper? Well, let's see. I'm not very good at it but let's see. You're not going to get huge life lessons here but I guess I learned a few things about myself in the course of these two months (10 weeks...whathaveyou...) so let's see if I can figure those out...

The break was, in the end, a good thing for me. Despite going through some personal issues (which, again, have no place here) the time away from the city was a good thing. For one, it made me appreciate Chicago even more than I already had...which was considerable. My few weekends back were automatically made better just by the fact that I was back home and sleeping in my own bed and able to walk wherever I wanted or needed to go and, mostly, greeted with great weather and people and things to do. Places have a very distinct "feel" to them and, for me, Chicago feels like home.

Which makes me think that it will be quite a while before I take another job such as this one has been. It's fun to see other places and meet other people (God knows I'd never have met a few very cool people among the Mid-Lifers had I not been here) but that's what vacations are for. The acting community in Chicago is, in my opinion, the best and I want to work there. Sure, it's for little or no money but this adventure has proven to me that I do this mostly for the love of the experiences and the opportunities to work with so many amazing people who most of you (out there sitting silently in this strange thing called the Webosphere...or Bloggernet...or E-world...or whatever) will never ever know but who are incredible talents. Every once in a while I'm reminded that the best actors in the world are not the Jack Nicholsons or the Tom Cruises or the Julia Roberts that we're all force-fed but the people who work like crazy in small off-Loop theaters and being the best part of four or 5 shows a year or tour from one small theater musical to another, going all around the country searching for their next couple months of work and never having a real hometown.

I return to Chicago (in 2 days' time...which kind of blows my mind a little) with a huge renewed sense of needing to push myself to do this better. Not necessarily act better (although that couldn't hurt, I'm sure) but to work the business aspect of things better. To glad-hand, to schmooze, to say and do all the right things for all the right people. I need to get out there and just generally do better. I need to not be satisfied, in this next stage, until I'm positive that every important casting director knows who I am and can pick me out of a line-up (if needs be). I need to ensure that everyone gets at least two looks at my headshot in this final half of the calendar year. I need to work with the agency I'm signed with and figure out what I can do to book those jobs and be more marketable and then do those things. I have to dive into this head first and get myself figured out. Stop floundering and just do it. I've resolved to do this type of thing before and it's been a real kick in the ass but I need to keep up with it. Really do it.

And...finally (for now, anyway)...I know once again that there is nothing else I'd rather do than do what I love for a living. It's an unbelievably good feeling to know that you're making bills and able to survive doing only what you love to do and know, deep down where it's so hidden that you don't accidentally talk about it at parties, that you're good at. And I'm beginning to honestly believe that I'm good at this and need to continue on. Because...honestly...what the hell else am I going to do? And every time I begin to wonder to myself whether I need to move on or not, something amazing happens and it looks like something big might just be out there on the horizon and so I'm urged to stick with it and see what that "something" out there might be. Usually it's nothing, though. And I begin to wonder a little more all over again and then I look out and something is again making me fight forward for a little while longer.

It's what is keeping me going...that mirage out there in the distance. But I have to believe that some day it's not going to be a mirage. It's going to be real. And huge. And wonderful. And all of this floundering and wondering is going to make the arrival at that destination really great. Until then, I guess I just live experience-to-experience and try to do something to move forward every day.

This ain't over yet...

Thursday, June 12, 2008

37 is a prime number

Today is my birthday. There's not a whole lot to say about all that, really. For the most part, I don't celebrate birthdays (aside from the milestone ones) and they are more a time of reflection and review than anything else.

Fitting, then, that my big day comes so close to end of this little 10-week adventure. And since Monkey Boy was asking about a kind of wrap-up post on the blog, I guess it's only right that I should try and bring some sort of closure to it all. Well, as much closure as I can, anyway. And what better time to try to begin this than the present.

Hmmm..."birthday" mentioned in the first paragraph..."present" mentioned in the second...maybe I care more about these things than I thought. I'm a psychiatrist's dream...

(---long pause---)

(---staring at computer screen---)

I guess I'm just not too sure where to start. If I had to sum up quickly, I would have to say that this has been a pretty decent experience. SP is a great guy to work with (even if he does go off track sometimes on stage) and I don't know how many people I could have been stuck in the Delta House with alone for two months. We settled ourselves into a nice little routine, like I imagine an old married couple might sometimes do, and things were generally pretty amicable the entire time. Actually, thinking back on it now, we never once got into an argument or had anything worse than civil words to each other. SP is a good guy and I'm so happy that we had this opportunity to work with each other. I wish him all the best.

The rest of the cast ran hot and cold with me. JF, who is a great scene partner and just the nicest person, was a real pleasure to be on stage with. She was a great sport (I had to ogle her during every show and she never once held it against me personally) and is a very talented actress. The style of her acting in this show is a little too presentational for my liking but, as SP pointed out the other day, she was directed that way and so she's only following orders. Which I guess I appreciate.

HM and DM were not the greatest actors but as far as people, they almost couldn't have been nicer. They literally made SP and I feel like we were a part of their family, which I know is how DM wants his casts to feel. He knows (or seems to know) that he can't provide everything he would like to be able to in terms of housing and pay and facilities and such so he tries to make up for it with inviting us everywhere and offering a short-term loan during the awkward early-rehearsal period. Which is, as far as I'm concerned, above and beyond the call.

SH also wasn't great to work with but she tried. And, in the end, I guess that's all I can hope and ask for from a bad performer. She and her daughter also tried to include us in the familial feeling, which was nice. And, for what it's worth, she is currently trying to organize an outing including both our cast and the cast of the next show ("Mid-Life Crises: The Musical) for tomorrow night as a sort of going-away/welcome/Tucker's birthday thing. And it looks like most everyone is on board (she didn't know that the Delta Housers were sort of planning to go out that night anyway but...) which is nice. I'm sure it'll be a good time...even if it IS karaoke.

The show...was what it was. It was hot and sweaty and fun to work on sometimes and always had me on my toes and isn't something I'm likely to be able to do again any time soon. Not the best of circumstances, of course, but definitely not the worse show I've ever done...sadly.

The Delta House? Well, it sort of provided a nice metaphor for the entire adventure, I think. It tried to be a good place to live for wayward actors and did, technically, provide us with a roof over our heads, cable television, and internet service but once you got kind of settled the place starts looking as if it were going to fall apart any moment. The IDEA of the Delta House is good, but the REALITY of the Delta House falls faaaaaaaaar short.

OK...so I'm about all "reflectioned" out at this point in the evening. And the Mid-Lifers are starting to return from their evening rehearsal so maybe that means something fun will start to happen. So I'll continue this another time. Probably tomorrow.

Saturday, June 7, 2008

Another Saturday night and I ain't got nobody...

Yup...feelin' sorry for myself today.

It's my usual state of affairs when I get to this point in the year. As another year stares me in the face I begin to wonder just what the hell I'm doing with my life. With every aspect of life, sure, though more specifically to this blog, with this wacky-ass "career" I've chosen. Am I as far as I feel like I should be? Or could be? What is my goal here? And how can I achieve that goal? What is the next step? Where have I gone wrong?

The list of questions goes on and on.

So if the "end goal" is the question then so far as I can tell, it's still the same thing that it's always been: to make a living...somehow...doing what I love to do. Every once in a while I'm able to do that for a month or two. But how do I break through to something full-time? I try and I try and I audition like a mad person and...I dunno. I'm really no closer now than I was 10 years ago. In fact, in some respects, I'm further away. At least 10 years ago I could say that I was honestly making my living acting. Paying all bills through the wonder of somebody wanting to put my fat ass on stage in front of people. But now? I get a 10 month gig in Turkeyville through nothing more than the fact that I'm a nice guy to hang out with backstage (and, let's be fair, that is a HUGE part of why SP offered up my name for this job).

Anyway, so without Internet access for the better part of the last 2 days (major storms + living on the edge of nowhere = last to get service back) I've had a lot of time to sort of contemplate these issues (as well as more personal ones) as I move not-so-gracefully into another year of life. Combine the questions with the fact that I have come dangerously close to being somebody that I hate (a complaining diva...which I'll get to in a minute) and stuck in a place that I'm no longer really enjoying all that much and you get a depressed little Tucker. Oh...and the lousy weather doesn't help. I just wish I had as many answers as I do questions. Naw...scratch that...I just wish I had a FRACTION of answers as I do questions. That would be a nice start.

So the weather here has been awful lately. It's been raining and gloomy almost non-stop for the past 4 days or so and, as I mentioned, we've had crazy-bad storms the past 2 days. Not only that...but it's hot. Upwards of 90 degrees and quite humid. It's making it tough to sleep (or do anything, really) in anything resembling comfort. And the fine folks at Turkeyville are not helping. In their wisdom, they have opted not to keep the air conditioning on during a comedy performance. It's no wonder we're not getting laughs like we used to. And...for what it's worth...I'm not gonna last too long if there isn't any kind of heat relief. See...I'm not what anyone would consider a small guy. As discussed here in this space, I'm not huge. But I'm not small. I also wear a wool jacket in this show. With a tie. In a space that until about 20 minutes before curtain has burners going in an effort to keep the buffet table going. With 35 (estimated) theatrical lights burning anywhere from 3 to 10 feet away from my head. And I'm spending the majority of the show running around the stage like a headless chicken. For an hour straight before I get to leave for intermission.

There's a lot of math there to add up but what it comes out to is that I am ending up nearly passing out at the 3/4 mark of the first act the last few shows. I'm dripping in sweat and it's effecting just about everything. I'm off, some of the others are off, and the audience HAS to be wildly distracted by the fact that that guy up there is mopping his brow profusely and just might pass out or slip into heat stroke before they get to have their dessert.

So come intermission, I am angry enough to have choice words for the director/producer (DM) but smart enough to know that doing that will get me absolutely nowhere. So I go outside, into the 90 degree heat, to cool down (in more ways than one) and try to figure out new ways to not be such a big sweaty mess all the damn time. But it's fairly obvious to all that I'm not happy and so some patchwork solutions are suggested but the fact still remains...not much is gonna help me if the owners of the place flatly refuse to turn on the air conditioning. Even a little. Either that or a costume change is made...which won't happen.

Anyway...I haven't begun a "how much hotter can it possibly get out there" conversation in a long time but the topic is almost always brought up because...well...I'm soaked through to the bone and pale as a ghost. It's the elephant in the room. And I mean that in many derogatory ways. And once the topic is out there, I start feeling like I'm doing nothing but complaining about everything. It makes me mad. But what can I do?

I'm totally rambling now. Sorry. I've got a few minutes to myself here while everyone else is either out at rehearsal or getting their oil changed and now that the Internet access is back I thought I would try to get some of these thoughts down. Maybe they won't keep me up at night or wake me up early in the morning any more if I successfully purge them into the wonder and glory of the Internet.

Or...you know...something.

Wednesday, June 4, 2008

The new roomies have all arrived!

In the late morning yesterday, the first of our new roommates showed up. "Micheal" and his parents drove up from Kansas (14 hours!) and SP and I helped to shuttle him and his stuff up to his room. Lucky Room #7. They were here for about 30 minutes, mouths agape at the wonder that is the Delta House, and then they all hopped back in the care to get the parents to the airport for their flight back. His assigned room didn't have a bed but did have three box fans and a few other pieces of furniture that had sort of been ditched there by previous Delta Housers. So we had to grab a bed from a room that had two (not mine, though...oh, no way!) and move that in there and push the random furniture around so there was room for the bed and...it was a hassle. Anyway...he's a quiet kid, I wouldn't peg him at any more than 30, and probably feels out-of-place. Everyone else in the House knows at least one other person from a previous gig except for him.

Early evening brought "Heidi", who is also doubling up as the Musical Director for the big show (which, in case I hadn't mentioned it earlier, is called "Midlife Crisis: The Musical"). She has worked here before, about two years ago, and after chillin' with us for a while, accepted our offer to go get some dinner. SP and I had decided earlier that it would be kinda cool to get everyone together for a burger and a few beers on their first night. But by the time we were hungry, "Heidi" was the only one here. "Scott" was off doing something by himself and "Micheal" was still dealing with the airport. Anyway, it was cool. "Heidi" is nice and assigned to the room next to mine...Room #4.

Around 10PM we got "Crystal" who had worked with "Scott" before and spent the rest of the evening catching up with him. She was supposed to go to some room but opted instead to take Room #6, the other room next to mine. So I'm sort of staying in the female wing of the Delta House now. Eh...could be worse, I guess.

They all went off to rehearsal this morning where they were met by "Jonathan", the last piece of this crazy puzzle, who seems like a decent enough guy. I've only really just met him so I have nothing more to report on him.

There hasn't been a lot of time to hang out with them. When they are not at rehearsal during the day, SP and I are doing the big show. So when they get home tonight after their evening rehearsal, maybe some of the "gettin' to know you" stuff will happen. We'll see...

So yesterday's show was a crazy event. The audience absolutely loved us. We had to hold longer than ever for laughs and some of the more subtle stuff was getting huge laughs. It was amazing. And a great thing to have for a Tuesday matinee. After my big monologue towards the end of the show, I got such a monsterous response that we all just had to essentially freeze while they calmed down. But as they did, I would give a little look or make a little noise or something and it would all start all over again. SP has the next line and he, ever the pro, just let it happen. It was pretty cool.

But then today was that audience's polar opposite. They laughed at practically nothing, weren't into the show at all, and even held down loud and looooooong conversations with each other in the middle of the show. It was incredible. I noticed before I entered for the first time in the show that they were quiet and I gave them opportunity to get into it once I enetered but they didn't take and so a couple of pages in, I just decided to get this thing over with. Some of the folks were holding for laughs after lines and getting nothing and it was just becoming painful. So I just started trying to go as fast as I could...putting into effect the lessons we had learned from earlier in the run...and SP and JF (to their credits) caught on immediately to what I was doing and joined in. But that still left SH and HM (and, in his cameo role, DM...who was suffering from a Migraine). They didn't seem too aware that we were dying out there and so they kept the show at the same pace they always do it...which can sometimes be painfully slow. So while half of us were on Rain Pace, we were only really able to cut 10 minutes off of the show. But whatever.

I just don't understand how people who supposedly go see lots of theater can be so completely inconsiderate when it comes to things like not talking during the show. I mean, these people travel in busses to these things and they go all the time...has nobody told them that if they can hear us than we can hear them? I find it hard to believe. But wow were they rude.

So far, we don't have any cancelled shows this week. That means that tomorrow's show will be our first Thursday matinee in three weeks. It also means that we could potentially have a 7-show week for the first time in that same span which will, I'm thinking, test our collective stamina. It's not hard to put 2 or 3 shows together without a day off, but 7 is a marathon...especially with this exhausting show.

So we'll see how that all goes, as well.

The countdown is on...12 scheduled shows to go.

Tuesday, June 3, 2008

Back to the grind

So last week was, by most accounts, bizarre. BUT...it was bizarre personally. So, sadly, you don't get to know anything about it. Because that has nothing to do with my adventure here. You'll all just have to wait until my memoirs come out and read about the wackiness and almost farcical miscommunication problems of the past 7 days or so. And I guarantee you'll all laugh.

Because it's funny only because it isn't happening to you.

As for the show...it goes on. Not that I'm counting, but we have 14 scheduled shows to go. I say "scheduled" because we've had two shows a week cancelled the past two weeks. So it could already be down to 10 shows remaining for all I know. But I'm trying not to look that far ahead just yet.

One interesting thing happens today, however. I get 5 new roommates. Well, actually, I get one returning roommate (the one we decided to call "Scott") and 4 new ones. Either way, the little house that SP and I have put together is in for a MAJOR shock with the addition of 5 more people. Nobody is really sure where people will be living or when they are arriving but I imagine that most of them will be around and sitting in my now-usual couch spot by the time my post-matinee beer is cracked this afternoon. So "Scott" arrived around midnight last night and quickly disappeared into his room, which seems to be how he rolls.

It should be interesting to see what kinds of people will walk through the front door of the Delta House over the course of the day.

I'll post harsh criticism about each one later, I'm sure...