What a month.
I know I need to be writing more but I hate being nothing but negative when I post. And since that's the sort of general mood I've been in for the past few weeks...I've been trying not to let it all out in this blog thing. But I realized today that there has been a lot going on these past couple of weeks and it HAS been a while so...here I am. So let's see...
After the bullshit of the Round Barn experience, I was sort of down. Luckily, Heidi was in that following weekend and that's when SHE had to turn down the offer she was given from Round Barn. Also insulting. So here we sit. We both continued our pursuit of a job that maybe we can get together, which would be awesome, and that is still up in the air as of now.
Blah blah blah...meanwhile I rehearsed the show I am doing here (and it's going pretty well). Heidi came up for an audition in the city (but for a theater in Indiana) around St. Patty's Day...even getting into town in time to share an annual Sweet VO Manhattan in honor of my grandfather)...and as soon as she left to head back home, I got a call from a casting agency in New York City. The guy was calling to invite me to an audition for a national non-equity tour of "The Wizard Of Oz", called in for the Cowardly Lion. This agency saw me at the UPTAs last month and had called me back that weekend. So this, essentially, is a third audition for this place. Pretty great, right?
Nope. The audition is scheduled for 2PM (Eastern) on Saturday, March 28th. And I am in a show the night before and the night of the audition...here in Chicago. I went to the director of the show I'm in right now and told him that I had to ask because this was a huge opportunity and a wonderful chance to do something good not only for my career but my life. Without much thought at all, he said he couldn't get somebody to fill in at the last minute and said he was sorry but that he couldn't allow me to go. The next day, I spent all afternoon...several long hours...trying to figure out a way that I could go to New York on Saturday morning, get there in time to make my audition, and get back to the airport in time to make a flight that would get me to Chicago and grab a cab to the theater for curtain. I got the advice of several people that I know who are very familiar with the City and worked my ass off trying to figure it all out. And finally...I couldn't work it out. After tons of looking around and checking timetables and stuff, I finally came to the conclusion that, literally, everything in the world would have to fall in my favor in order for it to work. And since no contingency plan was in place here at home (specifically for the show that night), that sort of doomed this day-trip to failure. It's Murphy's (and Tucker's) Law.
So I'm turning down an opportunity to be a part of a national tour that would pay me no less than $850 a week because I can't get out of a performance that pays me nothing at all. How does that sound right?
So...for the past week I've been trying to figure out what my next step is in this stupid career. And I think I may have come to a very difficult decision. I think that maybe my time in off-Loop Chicago theater is about done. I've missed to much over the past 8 years or so: friends weddings, family functions, and now...a real opportunity to make a living doing this. I may forgive this director for not allowing me to go but I can't forget. So I will complete both of the shows I've committed to (the one I just opened and another show that I'm stepping in for the weekend of Memorial Day) and then maybe step back quietly for a little while.
I'm still thinking about it and considering what my next moves are, but I have to think that maybe this is the right thing for me to do for a little while. Because I refuse to miss another prime opportunity like the one I'm not going to be able to take this Saturday. I can't let that happen again.
So...once again, I'm sad. And discouraged. And wondering what the hell I'm doing.
Monday, March 23, 2009
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
A Life In Limbo
OK...so that happened.
A little over two weeks ago, I went to UPTAs. That's not news, at this point. I got some good, promising callbacks (or so I can hope) and knew I had interest from the place that Heidi has been working at for the better part of this millennium, the Round Barn Theater. The Artistic Director, Jeremy, had talked to me about casting me in several shows and even had me come in to sing for him between Christmas and New Years. He kept ensuring me that an offer would be coming soon and when I didn't get one before UPTAs, I just figured it was because he needed an excuse to go down to Memphis for a long weekend. Whatever.
About a week ago (or so), I finally got an offer from the Round Barn. Not Jeremy, but the new Managing Director, Laurie (who sometimes will spell her own name wrong in business e-mails), who has all but usurped whatever power Jeremy used to have. She offered me 4 shows in a six-month contract from May to November at an insultingly low weekly pay rate. In an attempt to drag out the negotiating process, I asked questions and began pleading my case for a little more money in the hopes that another offer would come in and I could decide that way.
But within the process, I tried to clarify some scheduling conflicts I have in the upcoming year. Two weddings of some of the closest friends that I have. And she wrote back that not only was the pay offer fixed and non-negotiable, but if the contract is signed there are no exceptions to the "no extra days off" policy.
So what she wanted, in a nutshell, was to work me to death doing several shows in the middle of nowhere Indiana for six months at little pay with housing that didn't include television or internet access without two or three additional days off so that I could attend (and, for what it's worth, be a part of) the weddings of two of my dearest friends. I was offended. And insulted. I wanted to write back to her and tell her that she is dooming this theater to failure and all she's going to get to be in her shows are kids just out of college (or, as is the case sometimes, high school) who are going to treat the experience as an extended summer camp instead of a professional job. I wanted to tell her that she's nothing more than a stupid heartless bitch. I wanted to ask her how in the world somebody who hated the arts and artists and seemed to have nothing but utter contempt for all things artistic could work for so long and acheive such a lofty position in arts management. But I didn't. Because she knows Heidi and I are dating and Heidi still hasn't started her negotiations yet and it wouldn't be fair for me to stain that process essentially before it has started.
But this woman has made me so mad. What I've learned is that if I hated the arts, I could easily make a career in it. If I held complete disdain for artists and all things creative, I would be able to live fairly well and happily.
(---sigh---)
I wrote back to her and told her that I wouldn't be joining the Round Barn for the 2009 season and that asking me to not attend these two weddings was the ultimate offense. It's tame and it lacks, for want of a better term, balls...but it's all I had at the time. I'm still pretty upset about it. And maybe I'll post the whole e-mail string on this blog just for kicks. Get some feedback from you lovely people about what, if anything, I could have done differently.
And now all I can do is sit back and wonder what the hell I do next. I have two theaters that I'm desperately hoping will come through with an offer. But if that doesn't happen...I think I have to seriously reconsider what the hell I've done with my life for all these years. And then...I dunno...start another path?
This does NOT make me happy at all...
A little over two weeks ago, I went to UPTAs. That's not news, at this point. I got some good, promising callbacks (or so I can hope) and knew I had interest from the place that Heidi has been working at for the better part of this millennium, the Round Barn Theater. The Artistic Director, Jeremy, had talked to me about casting me in several shows and even had me come in to sing for him between Christmas and New Years. He kept ensuring me that an offer would be coming soon and when I didn't get one before UPTAs, I just figured it was because he needed an excuse to go down to Memphis for a long weekend. Whatever.
About a week ago (or so), I finally got an offer from the Round Barn. Not Jeremy, but the new Managing Director, Laurie (who sometimes will spell her own name wrong in business e-mails), who has all but usurped whatever power Jeremy used to have. She offered me 4 shows in a six-month contract from May to November at an insultingly low weekly pay rate. In an attempt to drag out the negotiating process, I asked questions and began pleading my case for a little more money in the hopes that another offer would come in and I could decide that way.
But within the process, I tried to clarify some scheduling conflicts I have in the upcoming year. Two weddings of some of the closest friends that I have. And she wrote back that not only was the pay offer fixed and non-negotiable, but if the contract is signed there are no exceptions to the "no extra days off" policy.
So what she wanted, in a nutshell, was to work me to death doing several shows in the middle of nowhere Indiana for six months at little pay with housing that didn't include television or internet access without two or three additional days off so that I could attend (and, for what it's worth, be a part of) the weddings of two of my dearest friends. I was offended. And insulted. I wanted to write back to her and tell her that she is dooming this theater to failure and all she's going to get to be in her shows are kids just out of college (or, as is the case sometimes, high school) who are going to treat the experience as an extended summer camp instead of a professional job. I wanted to tell her that she's nothing more than a stupid heartless bitch. I wanted to ask her how in the world somebody who hated the arts and artists and seemed to have nothing but utter contempt for all things artistic could work for so long and acheive such a lofty position in arts management. But I didn't. Because she knows Heidi and I are dating and Heidi still hasn't started her negotiations yet and it wouldn't be fair for me to stain that process essentially before it has started.
But this woman has made me so mad. What I've learned is that if I hated the arts, I could easily make a career in it. If I held complete disdain for artists and all things creative, I would be able to live fairly well and happily.
(---sigh---)
I wrote back to her and told her that I wouldn't be joining the Round Barn for the 2009 season and that asking me to not attend these two weddings was the ultimate offense. It's tame and it lacks, for want of a better term, balls...but it's all I had at the time. I'm still pretty upset about it. And maybe I'll post the whole e-mail string on this blog just for kicks. Get some feedback from you lovely people about what, if anything, I could have done differently.
And now all I can do is sit back and wonder what the hell I do next. I have two theaters that I'm desperately hoping will come through with an offer. But if that doesn't happen...I think I have to seriously reconsider what the hell I've done with my life for all these years. And then...I dunno...start another path?
This does NOT make me happy at all...
Thursday, February 12, 2009
UPTA no good
So last night about midnight, after 13 hours of driving, I arrived back at the apartment after my very long weekend in Memphis and the surrounding area. I was there, for the most part, to particpate in the UPTAs (which, I think, stands for the United Professional Theater Auditions). It's the chance for actors to go up on stage in front of around 100 producers from all over the country and wow them in 90 seconds or less. It's fun. By the time my audition number came around on Monday, a lot of the companies' reps were gone. Which is odd because if you're working, you have shows Fridays and Saturdays and Sundays and the only day to audition is Monday. So if you've got a gig, it's almost like you're being penalized.
Or something.
Anyway, I got four callbacks, three offers to slip my headshot and resume under the hotel room of the company rep for their files, and two requests that I attend the dance callback Monday evening. So I signed up for callbacks where appropriate and went to one and then hit the dance callback. I knew a bunch of people there watching these, so the pressure was kind of on. DM from Turkeyville was there, "Jeremy" from the place Heidi has worked with for years was there, and a lot of the people who were running and volunteering with the UPTAs were folks I knew well back when I lived in Memphis. The guy who runs the auditions every year even yelled "Tucker loves the dance" down at me as I was rehearsing the basic routine in the lobby-type area. But I think I pulled it off alright. I even got a few compliments after the fact. So good for me!
A couple of the callbacks were very interesting. The reps said all the right things...one even wondered where I'd been for the past ten years. She claimed to have been looking for my type every year she had been at the UPTAs and that I should come to her theater's season auditions in December because that's where the majority of their casting comes from. One guy actually told me that when he stops having fun in theater, he'll stop doing it. I've been saying that for YEARS!!! I had been to mass auditions like this before but this was the first time I ever really felt like it was the right decision and the right thing for me to be doing. I REALLY think that the 10 or 12 year "break" from these kinds of auditions has seasoned me enough to know what I'm looking for, know what I'm doing a bit more, and have the knowledge to ask the good questions and trust my gut a little bit.
After all the callbacks and dancing and running aroung the hotel in general, it was time for the most important part of the day...the hanging out at the hotel bar and talking people up a little more. Now, I've never been very good at "schmoozing" but this turned out alright. I got to talk to the aforementioned head of UPTAs, which was nice. I got to meet and talk to a friend of Heidi's who offered the both of us a chance to travel together a do a promotional kind of show for his Alaska cruise lines (or Alaska tourism...or...um...something...whatever, it's two months or so traveling with her and having fun). And I got to do a little catching up with folks I know (or knew) and finding out what they have all been up to.
All-in-all, I left there after a looooooooong day feeling pretty good about how it all went. I will be doing a little more research on a couple of these places to see if it looks like something I would want to be a part of if, in fact, an offer comes through but I feel good about the time and energy I spent on everything. We'll see what happens.
Other than that, I got to introduce Heidi to one of my favorite places...Memphis. She had never been so I took her to Graceland, Sun Studios, Beale Street (specifically Silky O'Sullivans and the Rum Boogie Cafe). We ate at Huey's and Corky's BBQ and Brother Junipers. We hung out with some college friends and she got introduced to a bunch more old Memphis friends while she hung out with us at the UPTA hotel. And because we felt like a change of pace after Monday, we decided to go down to the Tunica, MS on Tuesday and hang with my friend "Tommy J" and do a little gambling at the Horseshoe Casino. You should have seen Heidi's eyes light up when we entered the casino! Blinking lights and ringing bells and loud music...she fell in love with it instantly. And "Tommy J" hooked us up with a cool hotel room at the Horseshoe hotel. Awesome!!!!
So after I spent 13 hours driving through AWFUL windy and rainy weather yesterday, I collapsed into my own bed last night. This morning I returned the rental car and now I'm just trying to clear my head from the whirlwind past 5 days. I have lots of those annoying follow-up postcards to write and send out and some research to do on some of these places and maybe even some headshots to send out to the places that didn't call me back but look interesting to work for and even some e-mails to send to those people I saw this weekend and got to catch up with to thank them for their time and tell them how good it was to see them again. Oh...and I have to be off-book for "Mop Top Festival" tonight so there's that as well. Lots to do.
One thing I definitely will NOT be doing today is dancing. Had enough of that junk on Monday...
Or something.
Anyway, I got four callbacks, three offers to slip my headshot and resume under the hotel room of the company rep for their files, and two requests that I attend the dance callback Monday evening. So I signed up for callbacks where appropriate and went to one and then hit the dance callback. I knew a bunch of people there watching these, so the pressure was kind of on. DM from Turkeyville was there, "Jeremy" from the place Heidi has worked with for years was there, and a lot of the people who were running and volunteering with the UPTAs were folks I knew well back when I lived in Memphis. The guy who runs the auditions every year even yelled "Tucker loves the dance" down at me as I was rehearsing the basic routine in the lobby-type area. But I think I pulled it off alright. I even got a few compliments after the fact. So good for me!
A couple of the callbacks were very interesting. The reps said all the right things...one even wondered where I'd been for the past ten years. She claimed to have been looking for my type every year she had been at the UPTAs and that I should come to her theater's season auditions in December because that's where the majority of their casting comes from. One guy actually told me that when he stops having fun in theater, he'll stop doing it. I've been saying that for YEARS!!! I had been to mass auditions like this before but this was the first time I ever really felt like it was the right decision and the right thing for me to be doing. I REALLY think that the 10 or 12 year "break" from these kinds of auditions has seasoned me enough to know what I'm looking for, know what I'm doing a bit more, and have the knowledge to ask the good questions and trust my gut a little bit.
After all the callbacks and dancing and running aroung the hotel in general, it was time for the most important part of the day...the hanging out at the hotel bar and talking people up a little more. Now, I've never been very good at "schmoozing" but this turned out alright. I got to talk to the aforementioned head of UPTAs, which was nice. I got to meet and talk to a friend of Heidi's who offered the both of us a chance to travel together a do a promotional kind of show for his Alaska cruise lines (or Alaska tourism...or...um...something...whatever, it's two months or so traveling with her and having fun). And I got to do a little catching up with folks I know (or knew) and finding out what they have all been up to.
All-in-all, I left there after a looooooooong day feeling pretty good about how it all went. I will be doing a little more research on a couple of these places to see if it looks like something I would want to be a part of if, in fact, an offer comes through but I feel good about the time and energy I spent on everything. We'll see what happens.
Other than that, I got to introduce Heidi to one of my favorite places...Memphis. She had never been so I took her to Graceland, Sun Studios, Beale Street (specifically Silky O'Sullivans and the Rum Boogie Cafe). We ate at Huey's and Corky's BBQ and Brother Junipers. We hung out with some college friends and she got introduced to a bunch more old Memphis friends while she hung out with us at the UPTA hotel. And because we felt like a change of pace after Monday, we decided to go down to the Tunica, MS on Tuesday and hang with my friend "Tommy J" and do a little gambling at the Horseshoe Casino. You should have seen Heidi's eyes light up when we entered the casino! Blinking lights and ringing bells and loud music...she fell in love with it instantly. And "Tommy J" hooked us up with a cool hotel room at the Horseshoe hotel. Awesome!!!!
So after I spent 13 hours driving through AWFUL windy and rainy weather yesterday, I collapsed into my own bed last night. This morning I returned the rental car and now I'm just trying to clear my head from the whirlwind past 5 days. I have lots of those annoying follow-up postcards to write and send out and some research to do on some of these places and maybe even some headshots to send out to the places that didn't call me back but look interesting to work for and even some e-mails to send to those people I saw this weekend and got to catch up with to thank them for their time and tell them how good it was to see them again. Oh...and I have to be off-book for "Mop Top Festival" tonight so there's that as well. Lots to do.
One thing I definitely will NOT be doing today is dancing. Had enough of that junk on Monday...
Monday, January 26, 2009
It's a wild wild life
So much has happened in the past month. I keep wanting to sit down (or lay down, as I'm doing now) and write about things but...honestly...things usually happen so slowly that it's difficult to write about with any kind of end. It would have been a series of starts and middles but no ends. And that is annoying. I've had jobs like that and I haven't liked the fact that there were never any "ends". Why put you (whoever YOU are) through that.
But it's time to chronicle. It's been a month, after all, and things have happened. So let's see what I can catch up on...
I think I noticed that the last time I wrote was December 20th. That was the final performance of "Six Degrees" and the closing night party, which was fun. The show ended up, I guess, being good. As I think I said, it was a tough thing for me to gauge since I was in the backstage area doing crosswords and talking with other cast members the entire time. But I got through it. Not much else to report there.
Then Christmas. I opted not to go anywhere for the holiday and just kind of hang here for a while. So I did that. The next day I was off to the South Shore commuter train to South Bend, Indiana where Heidi picked me up and I spent the week with her and her fellow castmates and friends and helped them all ring in 2009. It was fun. She had a bunch of shows to do so I stayed back at the Grey House (one of the Actor's Houses) and watched the first season of "Lost". Got through that before Champagne Time. While there, I auditioned for the Artistic Director of the theater. Worked with Heidi a little on two songs he wanted to hear me do and managed to get through them. Truth be told, it was a difficult time with Heidi. She was ending a contract, had nothing really lined up, and was working very hard that final week. Then I come along to just...be there...and kind of got underfoot a little. By the time she helped me go through the songs, she was kind of stressed and, admittedly, I am not always the best vocal student.
A brief history of my singing experience: I have none. In high school and sometimes during the summers in college, I would be a part of musicals where I would invariably get cast in the chorus. I almost always had the largest chorus part in the show. If a random guy was needed from the ensemble to say a few lines...it was me. My one real solo was in high school my Senior Year and the director, despite my pleas to the contrary, had me standing still in the middle of a spotlight singing in nothing but my underwear. It was uncomfortable on MANY different levels. I never had a voice lesson in my life. And the opportunity to have a singing audition always seems to come just as I'm feeling nearly bullet-proof as a performer. Every once in a while I get to feeling as if there is nothing that I can't do on a stage if given the chance. Just as I feel that way...I am asked to sing. And suddenly my rock-solid view of myself as an actor comes crashing down around me. This is exactly what happened that week between Christmas and New Years while working with Heidi. But I got through the audition and have to deal with whatever that brings. But I'm forcing myself to do more singing auditions...just so that I don't somehow get a big head about me. Or...you know...something.
Anyway...so I returned home to Chicago. Went on some auditions and worked on a mock trial that I was cast in. Not much to report about the mock trial except that it was tougher than I ever would have expected. I had to become an expert two times over (I was cast in two "roles" as a witness) in civil engineering and answer questions about the case at hand. I had to be cross-examined and everything. It was tough...but kinda fun. It's also one of those opportunities that, if they liked the work I did, could turn into a yearly thing. This law firm tends to call people back on their own. Here's hoping...
Late Friday night during the weekend of the mock trial, as I was preparing for my Saturday testimony, I got an e-mail from the Artistic Director of the theater in Nappanee, Indiana (where Heidi has worked for years and years) and said that their production of "Art" was back on. This was a show that I had sort of been cast in and then been told that there wasn't any budget for the show so it was taken off of the season. Now it's back on. I had already turned down a show in December because I thought that this was going to happen. Then, when it didn't, I took a role with my Factory folks for the first show of our 2009 season. We're about to start rehearsals when I'm told "Art" is back on. Time is now of utmost importance here because if I have to quit the Factory show, I need to tell them sooner rather than later.
Well, I finally got to talk to the Artistic Director and he explained that there was no rehearsal pay and the rehearsals and performances were only on weekends and I decided that it was just going to be too difficult for me to figure out, logistically. I don't have a car so how would I get there and back every weekend? I could stay there because the Actors Houses weren't open yet...so where would I stay? And what's up with the rest of the season? Where do I stand with that? So I turned it down and will be doing the Factory show instead...which is turning out to be fun and a good time and netting me about $50 if everything goes really well.
Meanwhile, things get crazy with Heidi. She is great and we are still having a great time and I love her very much. She's been sort of depressed lately, though, because she's living at home and not able to figure out much to do to get money. And that, as we all know, can just wear on a person. She's been able to piece some things together and mostly play for vocal recitals in her area. Her friend, a high school music teacher, seems to be throwing her some playing days whenever he can...which is awesome. One of those days playing for high school kids was this past Friday. She played all day and then took the commuter train here. Saturday morning she got a call from her alma mater asking her to teach a class. A series of events took place (it's not my place to go into it in any real detail, sadly) and the teacher of the Acting for Musical Theatre class had to step down. The department decided to call Heidi. She went back last night (Sunday) and met with the head of the department and the dean this afternoon and, suddenly, she's a college acting professor!!! It's amazing how quickly life can change for a person in about 48 hours' time. Friday evening she was looking at a couple more random days of playing piano for high school students. Sunday night when she got back into her car at South Bend airport she was, a few formalities aside, set up with a class, textbook, office, keys to the building, and what I can only assume is a pretty decent paycheck!!!
I'd be lying if I said that I wasn't jealous. I mean...teaching acting? To college students? Without needing to go through all that awful "getting a master's degree" bullshit? I would take that in a second! The thing is...I need to let that jealousy go. She can hear it in my voice and I fear it might be coming across as hating her for her awesome opportunity. Being...I don't know...somehow negative about this. I'm not. Not at all. It's such a great thing for her and I don't know of anybody who would be better suited for this. I'm crazy proud of her and this cool new adventure she gets to go on. The first few months of 2009 are now set for her...even if nothing else comes up! And that's important to any performer. I wish I could tell her just how great I think this is for her. I'll keep trying to find ways...
Meanwhile, I wait. For anything. I'm doing this Factory show and that's awesome. In two weeks I'll be down in Memphis (with Heidi, I might add!!!!) to do one of those awful mass auditions where I get to stand up in front of about 100 theater companies from around the country and get 90 seconds to convince them to hire me. It's a cruel joke perpetrated on actors and singers by the industry...and one we have to go through sometimes. Anyway, I'll be doing that two weeks from today and also waiting on a call from the theater in Nappanee (I don't know if I've named it yet but let's call it "Round Barn") to see what their offer to me might be for the upcoming season. People I have talked to who have worked there this past year all seem to be convinced that I will be a part of the season but I am not believing anything until I hear for sure or see a contract. Until then, I'm auditioning and just trying to get things in order here.
Which is not always as easy as it might seem.
But it's time to chronicle. It's been a month, after all, and things have happened. So let's see what I can catch up on...
I think I noticed that the last time I wrote was December 20th. That was the final performance of "Six Degrees" and the closing night party, which was fun. The show ended up, I guess, being good. As I think I said, it was a tough thing for me to gauge since I was in the backstage area doing crosswords and talking with other cast members the entire time. But I got through it. Not much else to report there.
Then Christmas. I opted not to go anywhere for the holiday and just kind of hang here for a while. So I did that. The next day I was off to the South Shore commuter train to South Bend, Indiana where Heidi picked me up and I spent the week with her and her fellow castmates and friends and helped them all ring in 2009. It was fun. She had a bunch of shows to do so I stayed back at the Grey House (one of the Actor's Houses) and watched the first season of "Lost". Got through that before Champagne Time. While there, I auditioned for the Artistic Director of the theater. Worked with Heidi a little on two songs he wanted to hear me do and managed to get through them. Truth be told, it was a difficult time with Heidi. She was ending a contract, had nothing really lined up, and was working very hard that final week. Then I come along to just...be there...and kind of got underfoot a little. By the time she helped me go through the songs, she was kind of stressed and, admittedly, I am not always the best vocal student.
A brief history of my singing experience: I have none. In high school and sometimes during the summers in college, I would be a part of musicals where I would invariably get cast in the chorus. I almost always had the largest chorus part in the show. If a random guy was needed from the ensemble to say a few lines...it was me. My one real solo was in high school my Senior Year and the director, despite my pleas to the contrary, had me standing still in the middle of a spotlight singing in nothing but my underwear. It was uncomfortable on MANY different levels. I never had a voice lesson in my life. And the opportunity to have a singing audition always seems to come just as I'm feeling nearly bullet-proof as a performer. Every once in a while I get to feeling as if there is nothing that I can't do on a stage if given the chance. Just as I feel that way...I am asked to sing. And suddenly my rock-solid view of myself as an actor comes crashing down around me. This is exactly what happened that week between Christmas and New Years while working with Heidi. But I got through the audition and have to deal with whatever that brings. But I'm forcing myself to do more singing auditions...just so that I don't somehow get a big head about me. Or...you know...something.
Anyway...so I returned home to Chicago. Went on some auditions and worked on a mock trial that I was cast in. Not much to report about the mock trial except that it was tougher than I ever would have expected. I had to become an expert two times over (I was cast in two "roles" as a witness) in civil engineering and answer questions about the case at hand. I had to be cross-examined and everything. It was tough...but kinda fun. It's also one of those opportunities that, if they liked the work I did, could turn into a yearly thing. This law firm tends to call people back on their own. Here's hoping...
Late Friday night during the weekend of the mock trial, as I was preparing for my Saturday testimony, I got an e-mail from the Artistic Director of the theater in Nappanee, Indiana (where Heidi has worked for years and years) and said that their production of "Art" was back on. This was a show that I had sort of been cast in and then been told that there wasn't any budget for the show so it was taken off of the season. Now it's back on. I had already turned down a show in December because I thought that this was going to happen. Then, when it didn't, I took a role with my Factory folks for the first show of our 2009 season. We're about to start rehearsals when I'm told "Art" is back on. Time is now of utmost importance here because if I have to quit the Factory show, I need to tell them sooner rather than later.
Well, I finally got to talk to the Artistic Director and he explained that there was no rehearsal pay and the rehearsals and performances were only on weekends and I decided that it was just going to be too difficult for me to figure out, logistically. I don't have a car so how would I get there and back every weekend? I could stay there because the Actors Houses weren't open yet...so where would I stay? And what's up with the rest of the season? Where do I stand with that? So I turned it down and will be doing the Factory show instead...which is turning out to be fun and a good time and netting me about $50 if everything goes really well.
Meanwhile, things get crazy with Heidi. She is great and we are still having a great time and I love her very much. She's been sort of depressed lately, though, because she's living at home and not able to figure out much to do to get money. And that, as we all know, can just wear on a person. She's been able to piece some things together and mostly play for vocal recitals in her area. Her friend, a high school music teacher, seems to be throwing her some playing days whenever he can...which is awesome. One of those days playing for high school kids was this past Friday. She played all day and then took the commuter train here. Saturday morning she got a call from her alma mater asking her to teach a class. A series of events took place (it's not my place to go into it in any real detail, sadly) and the teacher of the Acting for Musical Theatre class had to step down. The department decided to call Heidi. She went back last night (Sunday) and met with the head of the department and the dean this afternoon and, suddenly, she's a college acting professor!!! It's amazing how quickly life can change for a person in about 48 hours' time. Friday evening she was looking at a couple more random days of playing piano for high school students. Sunday night when she got back into her car at South Bend airport she was, a few formalities aside, set up with a class, textbook, office, keys to the building, and what I can only assume is a pretty decent paycheck!!!
I'd be lying if I said that I wasn't jealous. I mean...teaching acting? To college students? Without needing to go through all that awful "getting a master's degree" bullshit? I would take that in a second! The thing is...I need to let that jealousy go. She can hear it in my voice and I fear it might be coming across as hating her for her awesome opportunity. Being...I don't know...somehow negative about this. I'm not. Not at all. It's such a great thing for her and I don't know of anybody who would be better suited for this. I'm crazy proud of her and this cool new adventure she gets to go on. The first few months of 2009 are now set for her...even if nothing else comes up! And that's important to any performer. I wish I could tell her just how great I think this is for her. I'll keep trying to find ways...
Meanwhile, I wait. For anything. I'm doing this Factory show and that's awesome. In two weeks I'll be down in Memphis (with Heidi, I might add!!!!) to do one of those awful mass auditions where I get to stand up in front of about 100 theater companies from around the country and get 90 seconds to convince them to hire me. It's a cruel joke perpetrated on actors and singers by the industry...and one we have to go through sometimes. Anyway, I'll be doing that two weeks from today and also waiting on a call from the theater in Nappanee (I don't know if I've named it yet but let's call it "Round Barn") to see what their offer to me might be for the upcoming season. People I have talked to who have worked there this past year all seem to be convinced that I will be a part of the season but I am not believing anything until I hear for sure or see a contract. Until then, I'm auditioning and just trying to get things in order here.
Which is not always as easy as it might seem.
Saturday, December 20, 2008
To hell with optimism
So...the opportunity to do "Art" in Indiana didn't pan out. After turning down the show that my former girlfriend, Abbie, was producing in the Spring and being offered a role in the next Factory production, I wrote to the AD of Round Barn and asked him if we could figure out "Art" and then deal with the rest of the season later. And he told me that cut-backs had forced "Art" to not be produced this year. So I took the Factory role, which is fine. But I feel badly about having to turn down Abbie's show. Ah, well. Such is life, I suppose.
But it still sucks.
Anyway, so tonight is the closing night of "Six Degrees" and then a big party afterwards. All-in-all, it's been a good experience, I suppose. I know that I could have been in Indiana with Heidi this whole time and that makes things VERY tough sometimes, but I can't look back at what might have been. I have to just accept that I made the right decisions given the information I had and the order that they presented themselves. Hopefully, I will be able to work with her (and earn a living acting...which would be very nice) in the upcoming year.
To that end, I have downloaded the soundtracks to the Round Barn shows that I have the opportunity to audition for later this month. I've been listening to "my" songs and this past week when Heidi came to town for a few days, she brought copies of the sheet music. I got "Jon", a guy in the show with me who is also a music director and a great pianist, to play the two songs for me last night and I recorded them so I can listen to them and get a little practice in before I get together with Heidi to work on them and then do them for the Round Barn AD. Which is good.
So I'm trying to move forward. I was all set to sort of pick up and move out to Indiana for a good long time starting in late February. Now...it's late April at the earliest. If it's ever going to happen. I'll still go to Memphis and the UPTAs and hope to get some bites out of that. Argh!! So life moves ever onward. And nothing is ever really too easy...no matter HOW easy it may look at the start.
Rehearsals for the Factory show begin on, I believe, Inauguration Day. So I get some time off. The holidays and going to Indiana for a while. And...um...stuff. Should be fun.
But it still sucks.
Anyway, so tonight is the closing night of "Six Degrees" and then a big party afterwards. All-in-all, it's been a good experience, I suppose. I know that I could have been in Indiana with Heidi this whole time and that makes things VERY tough sometimes, but I can't look back at what might have been. I have to just accept that I made the right decisions given the information I had and the order that they presented themselves. Hopefully, I will be able to work with her (and earn a living acting...which would be very nice) in the upcoming year.
To that end, I have downloaded the soundtracks to the Round Barn shows that I have the opportunity to audition for later this month. I've been listening to "my" songs and this past week when Heidi came to town for a few days, she brought copies of the sheet music. I got "Jon", a guy in the show with me who is also a music director and a great pianist, to play the two songs for me last night and I recorded them so I can listen to them and get a little practice in before I get together with Heidi to work on them and then do them for the Round Barn AD. Which is good.
So I'm trying to move forward. I was all set to sort of pick up and move out to Indiana for a good long time starting in late February. Now...it's late April at the earliest. If it's ever going to happen. I'll still go to Memphis and the UPTAs and hope to get some bites out of that. Argh!! So life moves ever onward. And nothing is ever really too easy...no matter HOW easy it may look at the start.
Rehearsals for the Factory show begin on, I believe, Inauguration Day. So I get some time off. The holidays and going to Indiana for a while. And...um...stuff. Should be fun.
Monday, December 8, 2008
Binging and purging
It's been quite a few weeks.
I've had some decent auditions and managed to not get too far in any of the processes. I had my first "called in" audition at Steppenwolf (for Lennie in "Of Mice And Men") and I worked my ass off trying to get the 5 page side juuuuust right. And I think I represented myself in a really good way. I guess I just wasn't what they were looking for. And that, more than just about any part I've auditioned for and not gotten, was kinda tough for me if only because it's a role that people have said I would be great at for several years now. And it's hard to be told that over and over and then, when I finally get the chance to DO that role...nothing.
So that, coupled with my wildly unimpressive roles in "Six Degrees" and the fact that it's the start of winter and that always brings a little depression, has made me totally question what it is I'm doing with my life and career. I keep trying to stay positive. I've put an old "feel good" quote on my front door so that I see it every day at least once and remember what I'm working towards. I've registered to do the UPTA auditions in Memphis in February, which will mark the first "cattle call" audition I've done in about a decade (or possibly more). And I've FINALLY started to tear my apartment apart and get myself down to the barest of "things". I've already managed (in just about a week or sporadic cleaning) to throw out 5 large boxes of stuff that I've kept and collected over the years. I've kept almost everything related to shows I've done (since that's my life) but I've also limited the stuff I've kept. Instead of the handful of postcards from this show or that, I've kept maybe 5 or 6 and throw the rest away. If I ended up having a bunch of posters, I have now tossed all but one. Just this evening, I've emptied a small-ish box of junk and will tomorrow be filling it up with just acting stuff. "Memorabilia". Posters and postcards and programs and reviews and show-specific gifts and maybe scripts. Then I can box it all up, have it all in one place, and I don't have to wonder where anything is.
This all links back to my desire, after returning from Battle Creek in June, to really figure out a way to get rid of "stuff" and live kind of bare bones. Because once I had realized that maybe a life on the road could potentially be something I need to accept and try, I also realized that I had WAAAAAAY too much junk in my life to make that kind of lifestyle at all realistic. If I decide to get rid of the apartment and put the majority of my stuff in storage, I want the smallest storage closet I can possibly get. And, besides, it feels good to sift through this crap.
Then, tonight, comes word that I have an opportunity to work at the same theater as Heidi next year. She had mentioned a straight play, "Art", happening in March but what I learned tonight was that the Artistic Director is thinking about me for most of the 2009 season. He has parts he'd like to see me in and everything! So now I feel like all this cleaning and purging and stuff might actually pay off sooner rather than later. The AD needs to hear me sing (of course...the theater does mainly musicals with only the occasional non-musical) but I was planning on working with Heidi anyway in order to get me to a more comfortable place, musically, so this works out great. Now, in fact, I have specific plays and songs to work from and choose songs from.
I'm optimistic. Very optimistic. But also a little frightened at the prospect. It would be great to work almost the entire year with Heidi. Be great to make money acting. Be great to have a whole year where I knew almost right from the beginning what was in store. But I would also be starting all over. At the age of 37. And that's the scary part.
Nothing is written in stone yet. Hell, nothing is even written at all yet. But it's a possibility. And I'm planning on taking this possibility and running with it as far as I can.
(---pause---)
Oh...the "binging" part of the title refers to Thanksgiving, where I ate quite a lot and got to meet a good portion of Heidi's family...which was awesome and a lot of fun. I should elaborate on that more...but right now I'm going to clean out a drawer or two. There is stuff to do!!!
I've had some decent auditions and managed to not get too far in any of the processes. I had my first "called in" audition at Steppenwolf (for Lennie in "Of Mice And Men") and I worked my ass off trying to get the 5 page side juuuuust right. And I think I represented myself in a really good way. I guess I just wasn't what they were looking for. And that, more than just about any part I've auditioned for and not gotten, was kinda tough for me if only because it's a role that people have said I would be great at for several years now. And it's hard to be told that over and over and then, when I finally get the chance to DO that role...nothing.
So that, coupled with my wildly unimpressive roles in "Six Degrees" and the fact that it's the start of winter and that always brings a little depression, has made me totally question what it is I'm doing with my life and career. I keep trying to stay positive. I've put an old "feel good" quote on my front door so that I see it every day at least once and remember what I'm working towards. I've registered to do the UPTA auditions in Memphis in February, which will mark the first "cattle call" audition I've done in about a decade (or possibly more). And I've FINALLY started to tear my apartment apart and get myself down to the barest of "things". I've already managed (in just about a week or sporadic cleaning) to throw out 5 large boxes of stuff that I've kept and collected over the years. I've kept almost everything related to shows I've done (since that's my life) but I've also limited the stuff I've kept. Instead of the handful of postcards from this show or that, I've kept maybe 5 or 6 and throw the rest away. If I ended up having a bunch of posters, I have now tossed all but one. Just this evening, I've emptied a small-ish box of junk and will tomorrow be filling it up with just acting stuff. "Memorabilia". Posters and postcards and programs and reviews and show-specific gifts and maybe scripts. Then I can box it all up, have it all in one place, and I don't have to wonder where anything is.
This all links back to my desire, after returning from Battle Creek in June, to really figure out a way to get rid of "stuff" and live kind of bare bones. Because once I had realized that maybe a life on the road could potentially be something I need to accept and try, I also realized that I had WAAAAAAY too much junk in my life to make that kind of lifestyle at all realistic. If I decide to get rid of the apartment and put the majority of my stuff in storage, I want the smallest storage closet I can possibly get. And, besides, it feels good to sift through this crap.
Then, tonight, comes word that I have an opportunity to work at the same theater as Heidi next year. She had mentioned a straight play, "Art", happening in March but what I learned tonight was that the Artistic Director is thinking about me for most of the 2009 season. He has parts he'd like to see me in and everything! So now I feel like all this cleaning and purging and stuff might actually pay off sooner rather than later. The AD needs to hear me sing (of course...the theater does mainly musicals with only the occasional non-musical) but I was planning on working with Heidi anyway in order to get me to a more comfortable place, musically, so this works out great. Now, in fact, I have specific plays and songs to work from and choose songs from.
I'm optimistic. Very optimistic. But also a little frightened at the prospect. It would be great to work almost the entire year with Heidi. Be great to make money acting. Be great to have a whole year where I knew almost right from the beginning what was in store. But I would also be starting all over. At the age of 37. And that's the scary part.
Nothing is written in stone yet. Hell, nothing is even written at all yet. But it's a possibility. And I'm planning on taking this possibility and running with it as far as I can.
(---pause---)
Oh...the "binging" part of the title refers to Thanksgiving, where I ate quite a lot and got to meet a good portion of Heidi's family...which was awesome and a lot of fun. I should elaborate on that more...but right now I'm going to clean out a drawer or two. There is stuff to do!!!
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
Damn that Heidi (in the best way)
It would be sort of irresponsible (after not posting for an entire month) to allow the day to pass without making public mention of the fact that it was 6 months ago today that I met Heidi. Almost since Day One, when I sort of fell in love with her at the sight of her Boston Red Sox hat when she first walked into the Delta House, I've been doing my level best to try and tell her just how much she means to me and how fortunate I am to have her be a part of my life. And I always feel like I'm falling juuuuuuust a bit short. Well, last week I spent a few days in Indiana and Michigan with her in order to see her and meet some of her family at Thanksgiving dinner. So we went to dinner on Thursday and had a good time and went back to the Gray House (the Nappanee, Indiana equivelant to the Battle Creek Delta House) to hang out that evening and while sitting at the table drinking some wine and playing Trivial Pursuit, she suddenly told me that she was so happy that I was there with her and...well, it sort of melted my heart. It definitely meant the world to me to hear that from her.
Leave it to Heidi to say in a few simple words what I've been trying to get across for months.
There are some business-type things that I should talk about but I'll do it tomorrow or over the upcoming weekend. Right now, I'm just missing Heidi and so I thought I'd post a little something.
Have a great night, everyone.
Leave it to Heidi to say in a few simple words what I've been trying to get across for months.
There are some business-type things that I should talk about but I'll do it tomorrow or over the upcoming weekend. Right now, I'm just missing Heidi and so I thought I'd post a little something.
Have a great night, everyone.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
