What a month.
I know I need to be writing more but I hate being nothing but negative when I post. And since that's the sort of general mood I've been in for the past few weeks...I've been trying not to let it all out in this blog thing. But I realized today that there has been a lot going on these past couple of weeks and it HAS been a while so...here I am. So let's see...
After the bullshit of the Round Barn experience, I was sort of down. Luckily, Heidi was in that following weekend and that's when SHE had to turn down the offer she was given from Round Barn. Also insulting. So here we sit. We both continued our pursuit of a job that maybe we can get together, which would be awesome, and that is still up in the air as of now.
Blah blah blah...meanwhile I rehearsed the show I am doing here (and it's going pretty well). Heidi came up for an audition in the city (but for a theater in Indiana) around St. Patty's Day...even getting into town in time to share an annual Sweet VO Manhattan in honor of my grandfather)...and as soon as she left to head back home, I got a call from a casting agency in New York City. The guy was calling to invite me to an audition for a national non-equity tour of "The Wizard Of Oz", called in for the Cowardly Lion. This agency saw me at the UPTAs last month and had called me back that weekend. So this, essentially, is a third audition for this place. Pretty great, right?
Nope. The audition is scheduled for 2PM (Eastern) on Saturday, March 28th. And I am in a show the night before and the night of the audition...here in Chicago. I went to the director of the show I'm in right now and told him that I had to ask because this was a huge opportunity and a wonderful chance to do something good not only for my career but my life. Without much thought at all, he said he couldn't get somebody to fill in at the last minute and said he was sorry but that he couldn't allow me to go. The next day, I spent all afternoon...several long hours...trying to figure out a way that I could go to New York on Saturday morning, get there in time to make my audition, and get back to the airport in time to make a flight that would get me to Chicago and grab a cab to the theater for curtain. I got the advice of several people that I know who are very familiar with the City and worked my ass off trying to figure it all out. And finally...I couldn't work it out. After tons of looking around and checking timetables and stuff, I finally came to the conclusion that, literally, everything in the world would have to fall in my favor in order for it to work. And since no contingency plan was in place here at home (specifically for the show that night), that sort of doomed this day-trip to failure. It's Murphy's (and Tucker's) Law.
So I'm turning down an opportunity to be a part of a national tour that would pay me no less than $850 a week because I can't get out of a performance that pays me nothing at all. How does that sound right?
So...for the past week I've been trying to figure out what my next step is in this stupid career. And I think I may have come to a very difficult decision. I think that maybe my time in off-Loop Chicago theater is about done. I've missed to much over the past 8 years or so: friends weddings, family functions, and now...a real opportunity to make a living doing this. I may forgive this director for not allowing me to go but I can't forget. So I will complete both of the shows I've committed to (the one I just opened and another show that I'm stepping in for the weekend of Memorial Day) and then maybe step back quietly for a little while.
I'm still thinking about it and considering what my next moves are, but I have to think that maybe this is the right thing for me to do for a little while. Because I refuse to miss another prime opportunity like the one I'm not going to be able to take this Saturday. I can't let that happen again.
So...once again, I'm sad. And discouraged. And wondering what the hell I'm doing.
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6 comments:
Dude. You go to the audition. Period. For any director to not even attempt to see what he can do in order to allow you to try for something that pays as opposed to doesn't is beyond wrong, and it means that he doesn't deserve the respect you're giving him. Pay gigs have to trump non-paying. If everything falls into place and you make it back, then life is great. If not, then that's the way the cookie crumbles. You need to take this shot.
I understand but he is almost flatly refusing to even discuss this any more. I've tried to bring it up and...nothing. I know I have to watch out for myself in this situation but I'm stuck in this case. I can't just leave and not have a contingency plan for the show in place. And if the director doesn't want to help put a plan in motion, he's basically tying my hands.
This kills me. Absolutely kills me. And is depressing me no end lately, but what can I do? I can't do this alone and nobody is stepping up to help.
I'm calling today to see if maybe I can't come to the callbacks on Tuesday. And just be ready to kick some ass if I can get in the door.
Ok...I need to chime in. Andrew I don't know you, but you are wrong. Period. The One Who Tucks neglects to mention in his post that this is a show for a theatre company of which he is a member. The responsibility of the director is to the show first. Honorable people honor their agreements. The director in question has an understudy in place for someone else who is missing performances because there was time to put everything in place. I do hope you can go to the callbacks on Tuesday and hope you land the gig...but suggesting a director is being unreasonable under these time constraints is beyond wrong, it means you don't deserve respect. And Andrew, fantastic to know you'd leave a group of people you work with and make a commitment to in the lurch to forward your own career, that's great advice!
DJ...I didn't mean to not mention that I'm a company member. I didn't think about it, actually. And, honestly, I don't think it matters much. An agreement is an agreement and I'm willing to honor that. My level of upset comes from the fact that this director didn't even consider trying to work out something where I could go to this. I'm not saying it's his job to help me out. Nor am I saying that, at all costs, he should move heaven and earth to allow me to go. But at least a minute or two of thought would have given me the illusion that he cares at all about this career that I'm trying to carve out for myself.
I'm not putting the director down here, DJ, just sad that I'm losing a potential career gig.
As for Andrew...please let me assure you that he is a good guy and a fantastic actor. I don't know that he was advocating that I blow off the show and...worry not...I wouldn't do that. That's what has made this past week so difficult for me. If I didn't care about friendships or the value of my word or what people thought of me, I'd have my plane tickets already and I wouldn't care about what happens. But I can't do that to the other 20 people on stage with me, much less the company that I love working with, all the people involved in bringing the show together, the paying people we (hopefully) will have in the seats Saturday night, and everyone else in the world.
This opportunity just comes at the wrong time for me...and that sucks. I work damned hard to get to a place where I can have opportunities like this and when one finally comes along, I'm not able to really go for it. It's frustrating. Hopefully you can understand that, right?
Perhaps I stated it a bit too strongly, but I feel that the fact that the director didn't attempt to at least explore possibilities is what angered me. Yes, if it turns out that it can't happen, then it can't happen, but to not even say something like, "Let me see if there's anything I can do. I'll let you know tomorrow." is, to me, silly. Maybe the situation ends the same, maybe it doesn't. But when you're not offering your actors any money, and something comes along like this, then just simple human consideration at least requires you make some sort of effort.
And no, I wouldn't leave a show in the lurch--that was my angry reaction to seeing someone not even have a chance to make something happen for themselves because someone else isn't willing to put themselves out in any way to perhaps help them. And I'm sorry, but one of the reasons that theatres in any region are able to do things like that is because of the fact that actors are willing to let them. As much of a non fan as I am of the union, I will say that as far as protecting the ability of an actor to go where the work and money is, they do have a better setup than we do.
Tucker, I think trying to get into the callback on Tuesday is the best compromise you can make, and I hope that it works out for you. If they called you up, chances are they want to see you, and I think you might have a good chance of getting in. Lord knows that'd be a kick-ass part for you. So good luck, and I'll keep everything pertinent crossed for you.
Baby... You're The Man.
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